First, I'd like to congratulate you on your work. I think you're very admirable and talented. I decided to try the VN because of Jayce; he a treat for the eyes. I really like that he's a loser trapped in a very hot body. I like that there's a bit of story in my porn. And I'm looking forward to continuing to read the story.
It's very interesting and refreshing (and painful and disturbing) to be able to witness the situation that triggered Jayce's mental deterioration and accompany him through the process of becoming a yandere. The character is very well written; his actions are unjustifiable, but it's possible to empathize with him and understand him. It's completely understandable that after experiencing a traumatic event, he would desperately cling to the one good memory of that night as a coping mechanism, even if it's not the healthiest solution.
story.
I don't like MC at all (at first I thought people were exaggerating, but nope). She's way too immature even for her age, she acts like a teenager who can't handle her emotions, she's irrationally insecure and rude, she has little empathy, she knows no boundaries, she lacks common sense and self-preservation. When Jayce and MC meet at the flower shop, he's "rude." No one likes to be ignored, so I understand why MC was irritated by that behavior. But she continued to insist and provoke him (when he was obviously showing signs of feeling bad/uncomfortable) for her own satisfaction.
Any normal person (who clearly needs the job and is responsible, especially when your boss is a beloved relative) would stop harping and get on with the workday. Perhaps giving Jayce some space would have gotten him to relax. Instead of badgering him, I could have been emotionally intelligent and considered the possibility that perhaps Jayce was shy (people can be very confident on social media but very different in real life), perhaps he wasn't comfortable around the opposite sex, perhaps he didn't like unexpected situations. But MC judged and condemned Jayce based on her own insecurities and assumed he was offending her.
I also didn't like MC's attitude at the bar. Jayce is a stranger, yes, and he has no right to control her (we all know he's crazy). But MC's defiant attitude is counterproductive and downright stupid. She doesn't need to intentionally put herself in danger to prove she's an independent woman (where I come from, it's common for us to warn and/or share a location with a friend or family member just in case something happens). Again, Jayce is a stranger, a stranger who got an erection and ejaculated on her in a public place (and who followed her to the coffee shop and drank from her cup). And speaking of the train scene, MC's attitude detracted from the sensuality. I didn't like that she kept screaming in public like an idiot (although Jayce clearly doesn't share this opinion). Luckily, the supermarket scene came off a little better.
I can understand (since it's a work of fiction) MC ignoring the red flags. Jayce's looks and the attraction she feels are enough justification for her to throw common sense out the window and give in to desire. So far, Jayce's only reason for putting up with her is the traumatic event that bonded them, and it feels pretty forced with MC's personality. And I feel like MC is going to be even more irritating (if that's possible) when her ex-crush comes into the picture. Maybe MC's personality is on purpose and she'll get some development/growth (I don't think I can tolerate her in her current state).
I'm not bothered at all by MC having her own personality. I don't need to feel self-insertion, I just think she needs a little more maturity and common sense. Everything I've said is with the utmost respect; I'm sorry if my words come across as harsh or insensitive. This is the first time I've commented, and I do so because I genuinely like the project and plan to continue playing it (until my tolerance for MC runs out :c).