itch.io

Short and sweet.

How much of a child are you that you give a fuck about likes on a website? lol

Cool, no one cares what you think either. 🤷

Ok? I'm sorry I like good things.

Pretty disappointed in this.
Dialog is long-winded and boring (who cares about reading about some made-up mexican family?) humor is immature and bland, incest is a boring nonsensical fetish. There is an art to writing and pacing adult games and these guys clearly don't understand it.

Do you not have a native English speaker proofreading and correcting the English version?

It's pretty bad... tons of grammatical errors and stilted unnatural sounding English.
I would be willing to correct your English version for you myself if you want.

I wrote down several corrections and re-writes of the English version's intro section and submitted to the Bug reports section of your discord, take a look and let me know if you would like me to do more. This game would vastly benefit from someone who knows how to write in English.

Look, it's simple.
If Patreon doesn't allow incest, then stop writing the characters AS IF it's incest, when it isn't. 

My standpoint is IF they are maintaining that none of the characters are related, then they need to rewrite the text and dialog to remove all the "it's so wrong! A landlord or roommate shouldn't do this!" as if they are trying to push the incest fetish, when NO ONE is related.

Don't half-ass shit, either it's incest, or it isn't.

You're literally defending some faggot crying about lolis in a game about a cartoon wizard who magically rapes cartoon teenage girls. What are YOU on about, fucktard?

Anytime, faggot.

These are just drawings, you stupid bitch.
Stop wasting your time crying about cartoon porn in a comment section and go help the ACTUAL CHILDREN being raped, sold as sex slaves, and murdered in real life, you useless cunt.

Which is pretty fuckin' sad.
Self-inserting is what either people who have no romantic lives of their own do, or because they don't know how to write or can't relate to others.

There are more Indian, Asian, and African native English speakers in the world than all Caucasians put together. 

Well then you need to rewrite this shit.

I gave this a try and unfortunately I have to say I'm not really impressed. There's tons of logical plotholes with the characters. (How could Jacqueline have gone to a Technical College, yet be virtually computer and technology illiterate? "Computer Things"? Really?)
Way too much of the writing is bland and pointless, not serving the overall narrative or atmosphere. It's wasteful fluff.

The goal of this game is eroticism, but it doesn't really give off that aura or vibe, it's just mundane single mother life. That may appeal to some people, but that's not gonna find a huge amount of success in the Eroge world. The sex scenes are pretty well written however and the art is... decent, but not really provocative or very titillating, especially compared to the hundreds, thousands of other NSFW artists out there.
 
Any and all writing has to have a hook, something that immediately gets the audience interested in the characters, world, or situation and... there's none of that here. Why should I play this over any other of the dozens of better written, sexier, more visually appealing games out there?

I have a lot of experience with NSFW games and I just can't can't recommend this to my audience and followers.
Good luck with it going forward.

No problem, thanks for your response. I'm a writer myself and enjoy games primarily for their storylines, writing, and dialog.
So trying to play this game was almost unbearable for me, despite the art and other aspects being fairly solid.
Good luck with your development into the future.

"Being able to read it." Is the BARE MINIMUM for writing. I was 'able to read it' just fine, but I didn't know EXACTLY what the characters were TRYING to say through all the broken grammar, misspelled words, and incorrectly used phrases without inferring. When you have to infer the meaning of a sentence, because the sentence is incorrect, that is BAD WRITING.

What native language do the devs speak? Because it's not English, this is so terribly written, I couldn't stand trying to play it for more than 20 minutes.
If you're going to make a plot-driven game in English, then PLEASE get a native English speaker to write it.
Because this is terrible, incorrect grammar, stiff weird adjectives and verbs, I can barely tell what these characters are actually trying to say.
Hire a native speaker to rewrite it.

Please hire a native English speaker to correct and re-write this game. The writing is terrible and sounds so stiff, stilted, and weird.

I don't know what native language these devs speak, but god damn the English in this game is horrific.
I HIGHLY suggest you get someone to rewrite this game so that it actually makes sense.
I can't even play this trash like this.

Great art, music, humor. Thanks so much for making this game! I really want to play it once it's finished.

Truly amazing game, wonderful amount of content and beautiful graphics and animations.
Can't wait until it's finished!!