Hello! Thank you for the feedback! I'll reply to a few things but I won't spoil you since you haven't played the full game:
1) The "stream of consciousness" style of writing is definitely something I struggle with as I focus more so on what each scene's purpose is and making sure some things are being said for later on over giving the characters more personality and actually feel different from each-other! Thank you for pointing that out, I'll try to be better in that regard!
2) About the pacing, it's definitely something I struggle with (especially when looking back at the entirety of the game), however Ms. Hale quick rambles and lack of focus on Zel are definitely here for a reason (which I will not spoil, of course). About the crime and punishment part, while it does stray away from it, it's only to take focus on Ms. Hale (which will shift, of course). Of course, I will take the pacing issues in mind for future stories!
3) The reason why some of the stuff is blocked out is much like the static you see at that cutscene: to not reveal the twist of the game from the get-go (that is in exception for the massive redacteds on the paper where both Ms. Hale's and Atolos' pictures are shown: the first option you have leads to Ms. Hale telling different parts of her past about herself and since that paper says the notes she wrote(idk if you'll play through the other 1st options) i wanted to keep it simple for my brain especially when it comes to coding)). I'll definitely try to fix some things and especially be more subtle when blocking out information. Thanks for pointing that out!
4)Again, there's a reason why there's a lack of focus on Zel, but one thing that I'll definitely try to do more in my writing is try to balance focus on both characters when they're conversing, bring out aspects of them without it taking 10 000 hours!
Honestly, thank you for your constructive criticism! It definitely helps, and it warms my heart that you not only bothered to take your time playing even a part of my game, but putting even a shred of respect into my work for trying to put passion into a story! I'll definitely keep your points in mind for when I tweak parts of the game and even for future projects!