This was really exceptional. I have a lot of thoughts! Firstly, such an interesting way to tell a story about your relationship to games.
I felt a long lost craving open up. My introduction to MMOs came as an adult. MMOs during my childhood were too financially prohibitive for our household. I was also raised in a low income housing unit where playing outside and making friends was low friction and the default way to spend free time. As I became an adult, I had the financial access to a better computer. Also a basement.
I would sink countless hours in fantasy MMOs. The free ones which ask for more of your time. I look back at those days as a time sink, but also with a strange fondness. I had little ambition during those times. How comforting it was for that to be the only thing in life to worry about.I realize it was only a conceivable enjoyment when the idea of experiencing the complexity of life seemed like something impossible.
I don't play Video Games™ that much these days. I avoid all "big number goes up dopamine hole" type games, but it was immediately clear that this was more to it than that. At times I wondered if the endless grind for tidbits of story was also the point. I grew fatigued and trapped waiting for my excitement to light up when more of your story was told.
I'm glad I stayed until the end. You've made something reflective. Critical. Personal. And not simply black or white. There are deep layers to how we all experience playing games that starting playing us. I know of deep friendships solidified through just being in these addictive spaces with shared goals. "access to a part of him that he was too embarrassed to show anyone else". But also know of many that step away from the screen one day to realize that all offline goals they had a decade ago feel so out of reach. Memories and experiences detached from reality"...spent in a world that left no trance"
