I respect that you're working to bring more of what you want to see into the world, that's admirable. We definitely need more NSFW otome, especially darker ones. Keep going, you're only going to get better!
I haven't played yet, but I want to say that there shouldn't really be *this* in the writing, it's not a roleplay. You can describe the actions after and before dialogue like every other vn does. That's what the narrator is for.
