Would you mind providing an idea of how long the amount of content currently available is? I'm adding this to my watchlist but I tend to wait for some content to be built out before playing VNs/games, lest I get caught in a brutal multi-year wait for more.
Also, I'm assuming that even though the protag is a conqueror, there will be dom/sub paths? And different romance options?
Just write for yourself. Everyone's gonna have an opinion, and sometimes what they say can be useful and constructive, but other times it isn't, and in the end it's your story, not anyone else's. If you love what you do then that passion will come through and there will be SOMEONE out there who really connects with it.
And I think from the original to the rewrite it's clear that a lot of people are invested in this story. I hope you don't ever get demotivated by a few people making wild statements.
Question: How many endings are currently planned/being imagined for this game?
Specifically: Is the plan to take the path of Pure vs Corruption ending? Or, is the plan to have different routes with different love interests, or different routes of corruption that offer different flavors, each leading to their own unique endings?
I see a lot of these games that only end up with Pure vs Corruption and I feel like it leads to things being quite linear. After all, most people are gonna go the corruption route - so why not add some uniqueness and replayability by actually making different paths?
Just wanted to know what the devs were imagining for this.
I'll add this to my watchlist and monitor. I guess the first thing I'd be interested in would be "routes" - specific characters you can eventually reach an ending with, rather than the story going on indefinitely. It'd especially be interesting if this could involve different dynamics.
Second thing I'd be interested in would be how the story can develop the protagonist's traits over time.
I know there seems to be a big market for body and mind transformation games so that's something to consider if you just wanna reach that audience.
No problem, author. Happy to provide thoughts.
Yeah I get your point about the character being arrogant, obnoxious, etc. I guess my problem is, expanding upon what I've written already, with the fact that it's entirely uncharismatic. As I noted before, it's written more like an obnoxious Redditor than an obnoxious yet suave person. You get what I mean? And this is an RO, so to me, rather than the reaction being "okay this character is kinda annoying but I can see some charm," it causes a reaction more like, "okay, well, I definitely shouldn't pick any options involving this person, so that I can avoid this painful dialog." Lol.
I don't mean to be too negative or anything, or to repeatedly harp on one point. I'm just trying to clarify my perspective in case it helps during the time you sit down to re-read everything.
Wishing you success!
Alright, I have some thoughts. This is just my opinion so feel free to take it or leave it ofc. Just commenting cause I find the premise interesting but I'm hitting a bit of what I think is a rough spot. CH2 (I think it's 2) contains some awkward phrasing IMO with the worst offenders being bits of dialog.
For example, take this passage:
----
“Azaria. My name is Azaria.” She places her hand on her heart and makes a slight bow. “I am a beloved royal musician of broad and alluring talent. It is a pleasure to formally introduce myself to you, >name<.”
Musician? If she’s just a musician, what was she doing at your meeting with the Council?
“Do you need anything?” you ask. “Am I in the way?”
Azaria chuckles. “I think I’m the one in the way of your morning sleep. Though I can’t seem to understand your preference for sleeping in an uncomfortable armchair instead of a bed. Why don’t you move this delightful activity to your room?”
“I just couldn’t sleep tonight, so I fell asleep here by accident.”
The possibility of one’s own death would leave anyone sleepless.
How many hours have you slept? You don’t feel particularly rested, so probably not much.
“If you can’t sleep, you should do something relaxing that isn’t work-related, no?” Azaria asks. “These books are basically a part of your job now, so they hardly count as relaxing.”
----
I legitimately don't think real people would talk to someone like this. Have you ever gone up to someone and dropped a line like:
"I think I’m the one in the way of your morning sleep. Though I can’t seem to understand your preference for sleeping in an uncomfortable armchair instead of a bed. Why don’t you move this delightful activity to your room?"
No shot. It's lengthy, stiff, and awkward, like I'm watching one of those vids of a Redditor who is talking to another human for the first time after 5 years of never leaving their room.
People tend to speak in ways that naturally cut superfluous language. "Though I can't seem to understand your preference for sleeping in ___" would naturally be said like, "I don't understand why you're sleeping in ___" because it's simply easier & more convenient. Continuing on, more often than not, someone wouldn't say something like, "uncomfortable armchair" because the uncomfortableness of the armchair is implied with the statement itself ("instead of a bed"), as well as being obvious visually (from the character's perspective, the armchair would appear obviously uncomfortable compared to a bed).
Even the line, "I am a beloved royal musician of broad and alluring talent. It is a pleasure to formally introduce myself to you," is a bit awkward, because normally someone wouldn't just compliment themselves like that without playing it off as a comedic thing (often hinted through tone and expressions). But the problem is that the text gives no indication as to what her tone is supposed to be here, and our protagonist makes no notes on it either. The protag immediately focused on the "musician" aspect, rather than the fact that she just described herself as someone with "beloved... of broad and alluring talent" which is quite the arrogant statement, and should immediately rub someone the wrong way.
Then the final bit, "If you can’t sleep, you should do something relaxing that isn’t work-related, no?” Azaria asks. “These books are basically a part of your job now, so they hardly count as relaxing."
Normally, people wouldn't just add "no?" at the end there. They'd say something along the lines of, "if you can't sleep, shouldn't you do something relaxing that isn't work-related?" putting the "no" component near "should" (making it "should not") rather than placing it awkwardly at the end of the sentence.
Anyway, just something to consider. Again, it's only my opinion.
Hot take time, somewhat spoilery:
Okay now this is super late, but honestly, I wasn't a fan of playing as Abbie. Like, at all. I thought it was super boring. I also hate that she's the mandatory girlfriend, as forced by the story. I'd be waaay more interested in one of the mean girls being the GF.
Like, when everything inevitably comes back to Missy feeling the SAME way about Abbie, it feels like the decisions you make are pointless. She should at least be questioning their relationship imo. I hated the conclusion to act 1 - everything magically back to how it was beforehand. It felt empty AF.
Lol if people are gonna downvote you so heavily then I wish they would at least point out what it is you said that they think is so wrong. I'm just a neutral third party here and from what you said it makes me not wanna play the game lol. I hate protags that just let themselves get walked over, and I don't wanna spend hours just to find that out.
Looking pretty solid so far. Would be happy to buy the full version when it comes out (hopefully a future steam release for the dev?;)
Anyway, one slightly trivial critique.
In the beginning, my protag stands up for Simon when he's getting bullied and pushed around on the first day. And this dude, Simon, does NOT even say a simple "thanks" afterwards. Like, I'm out here risking my own personal safety, trying to stick up for a guy who I basically just met, and the dude has not a single ounce of gratitude? And THEN, to add salt to the wound, he does the whole "I could've beaten them if >protag< didn't stop me!" trope. YO. NAH BRO. Rubbed me the wrong way, for real. It honestly made me want nothing to do with Simon for a good 60% of the game.
In fact, it's only KOKO who gave props to the protag. So strange.
Anyway, happy to see a non-harem dating sim on here. Will follow this one and see where it goes. Hoping for the best.
Hello! Haven't played yet - wanted to ask two questions first. Will this game have multiple, distinct endings, or practically just the same ending with minor flair changes? And is this 100% harem, or will there be a meaningful difference if you decide to just pursue 1 or 2 romance options?
I'm just big on games where the choices feel like they have some impact. Would happily support the dev if that's the case, but if it's not then I'll have to pass on playing at all. Just a matter of personal taste.
Hey author - thanks for the response and no problem. Happy to hear my notes have helped. Sorry to hear that you're considering scrapping it. I totally get how writing such a story can be very time-consuming, especially because I also write and I'm slow AF lol.
Of course, as a reader, I'd love to see you keep at it. Even if you need to go on hiatus for a while, or do much smaller updates, I definitely think it's a project worth continuing. Even if you have to relaunch the project a few years from now, it'd be great if you didn't scrap it entirely.
Either way, wishing ya the best. Good luck with whatever you decide on.
Writing to agree with the comment below me. I've simply never enjoyed an IF that has too limited of a set of ROs for my protag. One more female RO, even just as a gender-selectable character, would be fantastic. It's your story ofc but I wanted to comment just to lyk that there is interest there.
Wishing ya the best, author!
Hello! I read a fair chunk of your story. I understand it's a WIP, but I wrote some notes. The document turned out quite long, as I had to quote some of the paragraphs where I was referencing specific text. Some of the notes are pointing out typos and program errors, while others are more general about the story.
I put it all on pastebin and set the link to unlisted + exp in 6 months. Feel free to check it out here if you're interested: https://pastebin.com/L4Wf1i4K
It's your story so feel free to take them or leave them, of course. However, I figured maybe some of the notes I wrote could be helpful, and at least save some of your time finding typos.
Have a nice day!
Hello! Really interesting story so far and I'm looking forward to seeing how it develops. I'm not sure if it's written this way, but practically every character is already interested in my protag lol.
One note - during the latter part of day 3, after I spoke with Vanessa who picked me, and after I spoke with Mattie the original partner, Amber came up to me. I'm tryna avoid spoilers on this page but she basically said I looked hot and all that. Afterwards, she left, saying it was a bad idea, and there was no option to continue to the next page of the story.
I'm not sure if it's because you just stopped writing there, but I wanted to report that there was no continue button just in case it was a bug.
Anyway, that being said, my protag is currently spreading her attention between Amber, Mattie, Izzie, and Vanessa lol who are all competing for her. GREAT STUFF. I like that people are cool with things so long as you are open and honest. Gotta get to know these folks before ya commit, ya know? Mattie is v wholesome tho.
Yeah the problem is that the way the author frames the story makes the main character's lack of progression seem nonsensical. This is accentuated by the fact that we are capped by numbers that seem like artificially placed limits. My character is swimming in EXP and money - why can I not buy trainers, or pills, or whatever to get to Tang Ruo's level? I can't even learn other abilities cause we are capped at only a few. Tang Ruo is the same stage yet is able to progress at hyper-speed while my MC is sitting around doing nothing and can't even track TR's movements. If my MC is at max point level, max traits, max abilities, etc. for the stage, then what is the difference between the two? Is the MC not at the highest possible power for that stage? Cause there's literally nothing the MC can take/do to get more points since it's capped. Just seems so forced.
And narratively, the story allowed my MC to have a solid 1 arena battle, with no ability to sign up for more. Meanwhile TR was plowing through the arena like it was nothing. Like???
I just don't get it. The narrative is confused, truly. There is really no convincing narrative reason why our MC can't be doing more to at least be COMPETITIVE with TR, as opposed to sitting around while being left in the dust (the current state of things).
There are 10 year olds playing games, instruments, etc. at the levels of masters in the REAL WORLD. But a martial god is somehow unable to remain competitive with the woman he beat day 1? Makes NO sense. This narrative simultaneously wants the MC to be a super powerful martial entity while also being weak AF. Balance has not been properly achieved.
Oh hey! I know you! (Meaning, I read TMP lol).
I don't normally read short stories but I'll keep this one on one of my watchlists. I just wanted to pop in and say that "Their Majesties' Pleasure" was a solid read so I'm sure this one is nice too. I wanted to drop some positive vibes in case anyone is looking out for comments before deciding whether to give it a read or not.
I was actually one of the first TMP reviews on Steam and now I'm early again (coincidentally) to your latest work. Ha. Anyway, wishing you the best of luck.
Maybe I wasn't clear regarding the purpose of my comment. I was offering constructive feedback to the author, specifically, in case it might be useful.
I already understand how the narrative tries to justify why things are written the way they are. I have read the story myself. You say, "I can try to address most of your issues" but you are not actually addressing any of the issues. You are just writing a defense of the story.
Unfortunately, I didn't write this comment to start a debate with random users in the comment section. I wrote my comment for the author. The author can choose to accept or ignore my feedback. That's all I care about. I do not care whether commenters agree or disagree with my opinion - it is totally inconsequential to the development of the story, which is the only thing I actually do care about.
I could go over my specific objections to your comment but I really don't want to write a 10 paragraph essay on why I feel parts of the narrative are weak, despite the ways the story tries to justify it all. If the author wants me to further explain my opinion, then I will be happy to do so, because that might directly impact the development of the story. But for anyone else, no, because it will be totally unproductive.
That's all I have to say. Feel free to think whatever you want about the story - everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Lots of potential to this story. I'm excited to see where it goes. But I'm gonna plop some thoughts down just to share my perspective.
It would be nice if we were able to cultivate relationships with characters during the free roam. Like, even if it isn't going to "drive" the plot of the relationship forward, it would be nice to just get more exposure to what these characters are doing. ATM the free roam seems a bit empty. It'd also be nice if reading all the books in the library rewarded the player with something (beyond experience) - like a new talent or whatnot. Lore is cool but there are valuable points being spent on it, which feels like a waste.
Another thing is that the prince/princess is always being worshipped by everyone, yet the protag, who is supposed to have this ultra divine blood, is, from a narrative perspective, sort of put into the second-place category. Ruo is accomplishing new feats all the time, and even when the protagonist accomplishes one thing it seems as if Ruo has accomplished double that. It kinda kills the vibe of the ultra-powerful protag story (which is, presumably, the reason why people pick the 4x exp gain). If the protag is supposed to be a legendary martial artist, why can't he compete with the prince/princess, at least in terms of pace-of-progression?
Like, if Ruo is beating people in the Arena, we should be beating people in the Arena. If Ruo is learning new talents super easily, we should be learning talents. I mean, even Tigress has a teacher but no one has even tried to contact us??? And we are stuck with only our family's skills, which the princess can apparently instantly learn anyway. Like??? Is our protag supposed to be strong or nah?
I understand there are narrative reasons why the princess might be in a better place, but the narrative also seems to suggest that we should be able to catch up quicker due to our natural talent. Yet, it seems like we are not catching up quicker at all - but that we are actually falling behind. At least that's how it has been by the time I paused reading this (around when she fights Middle H dude in the Arena).
Anyway, I was loving this game in the beginning but during what seems to be the mid-point it's turned into a slog where the story doesn't make us feel like we're progressing at all - that we are always behind in a world where people are far more powerful than us, despite us apparently being born with enormous potential. After all, our attributes are capped with points but apparently prince/princess Ruo's are not lol. I also don't understand that. Like, if we are at middle H level watching her fight, with maxed out stats, then how is she able to win a fight that we apparently could not? It's not as if she is late-stage H level, just early to mid level.
Chapters 1-3 were quite strong but during chapter 4 the story just grinded to a major halt. Lots of time spent detailing locations we'll likely never see again, or random daily tasks that don't actually move the plot forward, yet no time spent detailing our first meeting with our own step mom!? Just a brief line about her having been nice to meet? That's so SAD. I was looking forward to our first meeting :(
Anyway, I can't get past the beginnings of Ch4. I'll wait until the story progresses and then slog my way through when I at least know that there will be lots more content to enjoy afterwards.
Good luck, author. Lots of potential to this story. Please consider making adjustments to Ch4 tho lol.
Hello author! Very nicely written story! I'm looking forward to what you have in store for the future.
That being said, I have one question. The question itself isn't spoiler-y but any answer might involve spoilers. I don't mind spoilers myself but I just figured I'd mention it for anyone else reading my comment. It's related to the ROs though and IDK how else to ask. It's a bit important for my own reading experience.
QUESTION:
There are various supernatural races in this game, with different lifespans. Do I need to be concerned about any differences in longevity between the protagonist and their RO? I'd prefer to avoid a situation where my protagonist ends up inevitably dying of old age and the partner moves on to some other romance afterwards. Maybe the story doesn't even plan on addressing that - but thinking realistically, it seems like a pretty important thing to consider, between two people. And honestly, if I knew the RO was just going to move on like that, as they live for hundreds more years or whatever, it'd ruin the whole story for me. I'm still traumatized (okay, I'm being a little dramatic) from Spice and Wolf. Please give me the hard-hitting truth now before I go through hours and hours of wholesome romance only for it to end in (what I consider to be) tragedy.
I just greatly prefer romances where the characters stay together forever afterwards and there's no one else after that. So if lifespan considerations are relevant, it'll affect who I decide to romance.
Thank you.
Do you plan on making monogamous endings / multiple endings? Based on what I've played so far, it seems that's where you're headed - but you're also forced to date Abbie in order to progress the story (ch3->ch4), even if you don't actually want Missy to end up with her in the end. I'm getting conflicting vibes. Based on the lore, I'm assuming it might be a thing where you date multiple but only marry one in the end?
Enjoyable game though! Definitely one of my faves on here, given the interactions with characters and branching story so far. Really feels like you've put some real thought into it and some depth.
Side note, in the "more information" section for this game it has avg session time as "about a half-hour" but you may wanna update it to multiple hours. I think it's ~10h with all the content so far.
Good luck with the development!
