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OOOOOO NOTED!! I'll definitely look out for those on my next visit to the bookstore~ Thank you! <3

You're very welcome!! Honestly, that's so valid on needing to save time, too, I completely get it X"D

OH THANK YOU! ;o; I know the team would love to hear your thoughts whenever you finish~~ <3

You're very welcome!! Trust me, I know the struggle of being the only writer and not realizing when things are being repeated. I will always, ALWAYS recommend a beta-reader if you have a friend you trust to help you with that! I commend you for doing all of that on your own, girl, I would've lost my mind LMAO

Can't wait to see your future updates, and don't forget to take breaks! <3

The game has such strong potential! I deeply enjoyed playing through it and love the characterization of Finn and Jack, their designs are aesthetically pleasing, and the plot itself is genuinely interesting.

Aside from a few very minor grammatical errors, my main piece of feedback would be to look out for moments where the narration repeats the same idea twice. It's not anything major, but tightening a few lines can make the writing feel smoother and more impactful.

For example: “Maya only gave me that short explanation and left. Everything was explained to me very briefly, but I took it as an opportunity.”

Both sentences already communicate that her explanation was brief, so it can be combined into something like...

"Maya left without a glance back at me. The explanation was brief and vague, but I took it as an opportunity."

The emergency button scene was also a really nice touch! Rather than cutting information, I think it could be even more effective if some of the lines were rearranged to build suspense around the discovery.

For example: "I scanned the item more closely and noticed writing on it. I almost dropped it out of shock—I recognized that handwriting. It's *Amber's*. 'In case of emergency, press this button'"

For the part where the MC hides the button, that can potentially be condensed as well, such as...

"To avoid suspicion, I hid the button in my pocket to inspect later. I couldn't risk letting anyone find this and taking it away."

It, again, falls back to trimming small bits of padding or repetition. Nothing about it is awful by any means! The writing already has a solid foundation, but a little tightening here and there can make the emotional and suspenseful moments hit HARDER.

My last point I'd say to take with a grain of salt, because it's more of a personal preference. I LOVE descriptive writing, and I'd enjoy seeing a little more description of how characters sound before they speak. We can already see their appearances through the sprites, but their voices are left to the player's imagination!

Jack, for example, has a low voice. Is it gravelly? Smooth? Rough? Adding that little bit can help players picture him more clearly.

For example: "He spoke in a voice that's low, rough, but cordial. The kind of voice you'd expect from someone working in the military."

Overall, I love the premise you have here, and I'm BEYOND impressed that you made this all on your own (aside from some help with coding). I'm excited to see where the story goes and what future updates bring!

(I also hope this is easy to read. I understand English isn't your native language, so hopefully the translator can have mercy and convey what I'm saying.)

Pssst, writer of the game here. I've been meaning to look into Holly Black's books, but couldn't decide where to start! If you had any recommendations, I'd love to hear them <3 <3

?? No??

I won't lie that I did put in an aggressive comment and went back to edit it to soften the blow (you can see that I edited it), but I didn't use AI. Nor is it because of the jam submission, because that has nothing to do with it. Don't know why you brought that up.

I edited my original comment to make it sound more like constructive criticism rather than just tearing it asunder because, after sitting back for maybe a few hours, I realized that my original wording was genuinely just me being a dick. I still stand by the points I made, but I didn't want to come across like I was trying to insult the developers or be a jackass about it. Especially when they clearly worked hard on the game. As I said, it just isn't the kind of game for me.

Typus can call me "dear little pudding" any day of the week. I'm more than fine with that.

I love the character designs so much, too. I think the only thing I have to say is I do wish there was more art to look at in the underwater sections. I'm sure it was for a storytelling purpose, but maybe seeing the trash heap that Vitus lives in would be fun!

Otherwise, I'm loving what you made so far!! Your art style is so aesthetically pleasing to look at, I could stare at it for hours.

Can't wait to see any future updates!! <3

Wanted to give it a fair try, but unfortunately it did not hold my interest. I want to offer some feedback:

1. The opening felt very static. Beginning with a letter exchange on one textured background did not give me much to engage with visually or narratively.
2. The pacing felt uneven early on. There were moments where only a few lines of present-day dialogue were followed by several large blocks of flashback text at the beginning of the flashback sequence, which made it difficult for me to stay invested.
3. Some of the background choices felt disconnected from the intended atmosphere. The dorm/recreation-room backgrounds did not visually match the lobby or typewriter-room settings. A more consistent environmental style would help the game feel more cohesive.
4. The dialogue UI was distracting for me. The textbox felt large and visually busy enough that it covered too much of the artwork, and the moving name box pulled my attention away from the writing. A simpler, less intrusive interface might better showcase the art.
5. Aevum's sprite being visible and facing the player when she's not speaking felt off-putting. I think adjusting visibility when she's talking can make that feel less jarring.
6. I struggled to connect with the character interactions. Much of the dialogue felt repetitive or overly extended without enough conflict, progression, or visual change to keep the scenes engaging. Tightening some conversations and giving characters clearer dynamics earlier on could help.
7. The game relied heavily on exposition rather than letting the player experience events through scenes, visuals, or choices. After twenty to forty-five minutes, I was still mostly reading long stretches of dialogue with little change in scenery or major action. More CGs, interactive moments, environmental storytelling, or playable choices could help break up the pacing.
8. The lust demon character design felt very familiar and predictable. I understand that succubus-inspired characters are popular, but a more unexpected demon concept, personality, visual design, or role in the story would have made the cast feel more distinctive.

Overall, the game felt slow and difficult for me to stay engaged with. I think the strongest improvements would be tightening the dialogue, adding more visual variety and active storytelling, creating greater consistency between backgrounds, and making the character designs and interactions feel more distinct. There may be an audience that enjoys the current style, but it was not an experience that worked for me.