"Selfish? Me? I chose you. I always choose you. I'm. Still. Choosing. You! I gave up everything and everyone I ever cared for because of you and you're calling me selfish!?"
Khione stands stock still, her fists clenched and chest as Cerrus yells. The moment the words came out of her mouth she regretted it. How could she be so stupid?
She's still for a long, silent moment until Cerrus speaks up again. "I can't do this right now, Khione." They turn away, and Khione surges into action.
"No! No, I can't let you do that. Cerrus, I have nothing- I am nothing without you- I can't let you leave." Tears are forming in her eyes as she begs grabbing them by their jacket and holding on so tight that her knuckles are turning white. "I'm sorry for what I said but you have to understand- I did this for us. Everything I do I do for our dream!-"
Cerrus looks down at her, letting her plead and cry like a fool with a cold expression. She must look a mess, pathetic.
She's so weak.
Then they grab her wrist and push her back. Khione's heart shatters.
"I wish that was enough Khione, I really do. And I wish I didn't forgive you, and I wish I hated you. And I wish I hadn't fallen In love with your stupid fucking face-" Cerrus starts, every emotion slowly seeping into their voice. Love, heartbreak, hatred, sadness, melancholy. "Is that strange? To love someone and yet not being able to stand being around them?"
It takes Khione far too long to respond. "You- you-" It was embarrassing. Khione always had something to say, she always had the last word, but right now the words aren't forming.
But Cerrus. Quiet, introverted Cerrus has plenty to say to her. "You don't know how may people have told me your bad for me. That I'm killing myself for you. That this- you aren't healthy. But whenever I close my eyes that smile like the sun. And suddenly it's all worth it."
They take a breath, but Khione cuts off their next words with their own. "... Is it not worth it anymore?" She shakes her head. "I don't know why I'm asking you that, of course it isn't. I'm cruel, I'm needy, I'm the selfish one. I'm so selfish that all I can say is please, please don't let me lose you again."
Khione is a broken child. So is Cerrus. Aren't they just a pair of tragedies?
It's futile, but Khione tries to hold them again. They don't push away this time. Tears stain their jacket as she can feel them in her hair. She laughs, sharp and fractured.
"Why do we keep doing this? I hurt you and you hurt me and we hurt each other and we forgive each other anyway. When do we give up?"
"Don't be stupid. We wouldn't be here if either of us knew how to give up."
"Do you wish you could give up? On me? On us? On this?"
This is only a little bit I'm not done (I don't think I ever will be o(╥﹏╥)
This is from step 1.5 by the way
"You haven't been practicing?!" Cerrus suppresses a flinch as Khione yells. They knew better than to react by now.
"I thought- I was leaving. I thought that was over," *They murmur, placating. "Khione, you know-"
"This was our dream, Ceres! And you gave up that easy?" A slimy feeling coils in stomach like a disease. Right, Khione didn't know. "I would never- even after you left I didn't dare stop. I didn't dare take a break. Even if we'd never meet again, on the off chance-" Khione was getting worked up now, tears welling up in pale red eyes. A colour like raspberries.
"... I can't believe you'd give up on me." Khione frustratedly wipes the tears away. She looked distraught, but Cerrus knew better. Tears meant Khione was pissed.
Still, Cerrus couldn't help the guilt filling them. Were they weak? They couldn't bare to look at the ice after they left Khione. It wasn't the same, it never be the same. They thought they'd never see her again. And now here she was, storming back into their life like a whirlwind. "Khione... I understand your anger, but-"
"You don't understand my anger!" Khione shouts, grabbing their collar and pushing them back. They flinch in unison, like Khione herself can't believe she did that. They let go of them just as quickly. "If you did, you'd know that I've never wanted anything more than you, and us, and..." She deflated, trailing off. Khione has always been fiery and righteous and headstrong. This is an odd look for her, like her image has been distorted in a fun house mirror. Cerrus doesn't like his at all.
Despite Khione's words, Cerrus really does understand. They got complacent, got scared. Cerrus can't help but be a coward.
They're both silent for a moment before Cerrus steps forward. Their arms wrap around Khione and it's so familiar. It's I'm sorry I'm not enough and it's you deserve so much better and it's why do I keep hurting you?
