itch.io

This is a beautiful story. I especially like how you made use of the black page with white text. The formatting and structure felt very intentional, similar to poetry. Your writing has an ethereal, enigmatic feel to it that I just love.

Oooh I love this so much!! You did a great job of capturing the bleakness of Jonah's life at the start of the story, and I like how the plot developed. I enjoy how your characters are all flawed in their own ways but the flaws are understandable and entertaining.

This was a really enjoyable read! You have a fantastic writing voice - I love the language and vocabulary you use, especially in sentences like: 'The wizard was gone after the boy has lifted his gaze from the present, only leaving behind a rapidly fading clouds of glowing iridescent mist.'

I like the character progression that the boy goes through across the narrative. Ending the story on the boy questioning if he'll enjoy being a hero was a really nice choice. He's decided that he will be a hero but he's still unsure if it's the right path for him, and I like the ambiguity there. It's definitely something I'd love to read more of if it were part of a larger story.

Love the story, love the characterisation, love your writing! :)

Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it :)

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it

Thank you, this is a very kind comment! Coming back to this story after a couple of weeks, I agree that the transition to the conflict resolution is quite abrupt, thank you for pointing that out :)

I love the tone you created here! The old man slowly becoming more open to new experiences and connecting with the visitor was really enjoyable, and I liked the role the crow played at the start + end.

I would've loved to learn more about where the visitor came from or who they are. The sense of mystery was great and it would be nice to learn more about the worldbuilding and setting.

Your writing is very engaging and the story was a joy to read. You're very good at developing a convincing atmosphere that starts off creepy and unsettling, but over the course of the story feels more welcoming and hopeful.

Thank you! I really appreciate the detailed feedback :) I was going for an emphasis on realistic relationships in an everyday/relatable scenario, so I'm glad that carried across. Thanks for reading!