Hey there,
sorry if i'm overstepping here, but it might do you some good to spend some time questioning your gender identity.
take it from a trans woman, generally speaking, cis men do not feel the need to play female characters (especially trans women characters) to escape (from what, the pressure of having to be a man?), or then get that invested in it.
just my two pence, but if you're safe to do so/ can afford it, you might want to consider experimenting with makeup or 'feminine' clothes if those things at all apeal to you (not that liking either of those things is required to be a trans woman, or would necessarily make you one. plenty cis men wear makeup and skirts and dresses. the only thing required to be a trans woman is wanting to be one).
sorry for the unasked for advice, but i myself took way too long to figure my gender shit out, and really could have used that sort of advice once upon a time.
wish you the best, feel free to just ignore this.