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(+3)

A solid early attempt at writing erotica! 

For those considering downloading this because you've seen screenshots of the more interesting expansions on social media: just know this creator is very much into the non-con side of things and the tone shifts WILDLY back and forth between horny-fun and just dark.

The first transformation sequence involves your character effectively being forced to go into a room with a 'slut' who offers to transform into your wildest desires, a distraction so another character can be kidnapped. If you pick blueberry transformation, suddenly she has zero idea what the kink is and has a terrified reaction to the process. The narration describes the transformation as being "agony" for her until the tone wildly pivots back to horny as she gets into it.

The actual mechanics of the game are interesting, but it suffers from the early VN trap of trying to tell a lot of exposition one short line of dialog at a time. Instead of delivering one paragraph of information you could read in two seconds you have to hammer space bar constantly to speed through all the filler descriptors that repeat information you already know.

Also, I mean this as constructive criticism: You've got way too much going on in the plot early in the game. I get you needed ways to introduce various characters that the player will be able to transform but the plot becomes so ambitious there's a solid ten to fifteen minutes of preamble and not much happening before the first actually erotic scene.

It feels more like a personal writing project that got adapted into a game than an erotic visual novel that was always a visual novel from the start. I highly suggest finding someone you can hand the script to and let them give honest feedback on what text isn't really necessary.

For example: the auction scene operates under the assumption both the player and their character would not immediately understand they are witnessing an auction, so you've got tons of anime-style "what's happening" dialog popups that don't really do anything besides make the scene take longer.

Again: Overall the thing is enjoyable, but even someone who has seen a fair amount of erotic video games and understands what they signed up for is hammering skip-dialog and I'm genuinely not missing any of the plot in doing so.


Thanks for the very descriptive review.

I'll start off by saying that writing is definitely my worst quality. You make good points and I'll try to improve on them as much as I can.

A couple remarks though.

Not sure why "slut" needs to be in parentheses, her character was quite literally built around that term.

Your description of the blueberry transformation to me doesn't really say there's something wrong with it. Just like the other paths, the transformations cause her to be into it. It was also never implied that she knows of any of the given fetishes.

The emphasis for the game, or I guess the thing, has always been visuals & mechanics. Writing has honestly always been secondary to me, as bad as that may sound to you. Objectively speaking, that is what majority of people want.