Dear Matstarki esquire,
Couldst thou craft a guide suitable for a novice such as myself? Methinks I may glean a trick or two. Should that not be the case, it may bespeak a need for adjustments within the game.
|;‑)My dearest CelestialQuartz,
I appreciate your desire to obtain skills beyond your capacity. Alas, it is with sincere regret that I must decline your plead for assistance. Even if, perchance, I were to discover within me sufficient goodwill to undertake so selfless a venture, no benefit would follow. For, it is not a lack of knowledge, or, for that matter, experience, that plagues your abilities. Rather, your deficiencies lie in the innate measure of skill that inhabit you. In other words, when I did exclaim "git gud," it was clearly a jest, for there is no possibility in this world, or indeed a world in any form proximate to ours, that you could acquire an expertise adequate to gain any semblance of my mastery in this matter. As for the issue of adjustments, if one were to covet a less arduous contest, that is not, to wit, a task to which I am privy. Therefore, I must direct you to the maker of this fine virtual game.
Yours in earnest,
matstarski