Errors I found while playing:
- Various minor grammatical errors, I won't catalogue them all here but it might be worth getting a proofreader of some kind.
- When chosing the "short" height I get an error where a variable call ($height3) is visible in the text and thus is not set. Later in the story, when this variable is called it then doesn't work properly because it was not set properly here. Also just as a note as a developer, the way this variable is used seems to define the height of a specific character as a string of text like "a woman shorter than you" or such. This is generally not how these kinds of variables are used, more usually being compared in an if statement whenever a character's height is important so that the author can write appropriate descriptions on the fly and doesn't have to rely on the same text string forever.
- When going to the infirmary for the sick old man, I did not listen to the voices or look behind any curtains but the following text seems to imply that I did (the doctor being suspicious of me and a later passage saying I ponder what I read, but the variable for what I read is not set so it just displays the variable name).
- Two commas in the scene where the doctor returns with the old man: "My eyes snap to the back of the room,, but"
- When interacting with Wylder, taking her hand (both flirt and normal) reduces her relationship instead of adding to it. The relationship stat goes from 50 to 5 or 7 depending which I pick, likely the result of the variable call setting the relationship stat to a number instead of adding that number to the current relationship value.
Overall a promising little demo. Just needs a clean up pass to tighten some stuff up. One personal pet peeve of mine is how often numerals will find their way into the text. Like instead of "you two" it will say "you 2". Its not major but in my opinion it comes off as sloppy, sort of like inserting texting abbreviations like 'tho' or 'smth'. Numeral characters aren't usually used for small numbers in stories. That's nitpicky though and ultimately I can look past it since the premise is intriguing.