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I was immediately struck by the amount of effort in the visual design and the animation. The game takes the form of a visual novel, but the presentation is different from the typical Ren’Py style, and showcasing the environment with different camera angles and character poses go a long way in establishing the atmosphere. I also felt the environment and character design was appropriately sparse, and creates a project that is visually distinctive.

I enjoyed the narrative to an extent. I liked how it was cohesive and well constructed without plot contrivances, and the world was not encumbered with excessive exposition. I also liked how the fetish content was integrated in a classy fashion, even though that class is not necessarily sexually gratifying.

The central conceit of the narrative is that Marco and Bard fall in love with each other, but within the context of the lore established, I don’t think that’s realistic. If we go by Marco’s own words, they had been working this job forever, having ferried countless souls. The personality of Bard is essentially an anxious abuse victim with suppressed sexuality and a bit of a nihilistic streak. I don’t think Bard’s personality is strong enough to carry this conceit, and Marco does not have any especially strong personality traits that suggest they would be immediately infatuated with Bard, especially in the short timeframe the narrative presents. (That there are three other souls fished up with the same traits is a further damnation.) I understand this is an Anthropic Principle thing where this has to happen for the story to function, but I don’t buy that the characters presented would perform the actions they do if they were not part of this narrative.

I also think that the themes presented in the work are general to the point where they are universally applicable, especially regarding persistent inadequacies, the fear of death, the usage of well-worn afterlife tropes, and the popular positive-nihilistic outlook. I think that for a project like this, having a specificity of theme would be a great benefit, allowing an exploration of vore and sexuality in a more direct way. Because as nice as the aesthetic is, there isn’t a “wow factor” that makes this story stand out from other stories, and I think that is a shame given the excellent presentation.

Apart from that, it’s really good, highly competent, with good sound design, good harmony… you know, just really high-effort all around.

Thank you! That’s a very well-put comment, and I appreciate you taking the time to make it! The story could’ve been more centered into specific themes, although I wouldn’t say they are necessarily universal. I’ve seen many games that tackle similar questions about death and trauma, but I’ve tried to unravel my own thoughts regarding nihilism and dealing with borderline personality disorder, in an earnest way that I haven’t really seen in other media before. Maybe they exist and are really popular as you said, I just haven’t been exposed to them.

On the other hand, I completely agree that Marco’s attraction to Bard doesn’t feel realistic, and I opted for the suspension of disbelief even if it hurts the general coherence. The thing with the other three souls (which aren’t actually souls, but manifestations of Bard’s insecurities) also seems to be a problem with my writing, since others were confused by it as well.

I don’t think I want to go back and change the story. It could’ve been much better, as you said, but I’m satisfied with it, and I would rather learn from these mistakes to write better stuff in the future. Still, thanks again for the invaluable criticism!

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You’re welcome :)