I keep thinking if I just end it it would all be over. I hate myself. I hate this world. I don't even care.
no matter how much I think about it I know I'll never have the guts to end it. I'd just suffer until the pressure is too great and it all comes tumbling down and I die from side effects of my mental issues. Whatever. I'll die either way. What does it matter.
I've never wanted to pull my hair out and scream so bad.
Why can't it all be over. Why can't I just be happy. I just want to be happy. Or even sad or angry or anything. I just... want to feel human again.
None of it matters. I just... want to fucking bash my head against a wall and peel my skin off screaming in agony until I fucking bleed out to death and finally be rid of this goddamn bitch ass world then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit with my mom or my sisters or my cousin or anyone and I can finally rest in fucking piece I can go to hell for all I care, I can suffer for all eternity for all I care, I fucking deserve it don't I, why else would I be there, God I'm such a fuck up I don't even care anymore, I just want to kill myself I just want to kill everyone, they keep pushing me, they don't understand what kind of game they're playing, I swear one more goddamn thing sets me off I won't take it anymore, this whole world can crumble for all I care I hope everyone goes to hell, they can all fuck themselves, if I see a single chance to do it, I will, I will, I just want it to be over, I don't care.
Hah, I say all this but I know I'll never do it. I hate myself.