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"they're singing "Happy Birthday" you just want to lay down and cry"

My childhood was over before it even started. I don't know what I'm doing or why or how. I just feel so lost and... stupid. I turn 15 this year. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to do this? 

How can this possibly be the best years of my goddamn life when I hate myself and wish I was dead, you're telling me this is the best? It just gets worse? 

I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I just want to dissappear. I just want this all to end. 

It shouldn't  be like this, this isn't what being 14 was supposed to be. I'm still a kid. I'm not supposed to feel like this.