As I lay awake at night unable to sleep due to a crushing feeling of self-hatered, I've had a chance to take a nice deep think about... maybe I DO have abandonment issues.
I think it's from my childhood. That's where it started. We all used to play together and mess around together. Then one day it was just me. Messing around by myself. No one physically left me... but it felt like they did. I felt so alone. I stopped playing. I tried to be like them so that we'd all be together again and we could be happy like we used to and I wouldn't have to feel alone. I did the same things they did, said the same things they said, got into the same stuff they liked. But it still felt like everyone was leaving me behind. Being the youngest is such a blessing isn't it. Everyone moving on without you. You're just a kid what do you know, right? It feels like everyone I care about is disappearing and no matter how hard I try to get them to stay they never do they all leave. You don't understand. It feels like I'm cursed. Everyone says they wanna be the youngest BUT THEY DONT. I hate myself so much.
Anyway I failed my exams. Yayyy! My life's just a fucking movie isn't it.