Unforgivably Dire
By user: VeteranVisitor
★☆☆☆☆☆
My dear fellow traveller, first be armed with the knowledge that I consider myself a connoisseur of hotels, motels, resorts, hostels, backpackers, auberges, inns, lodges, spas, and all other manner of temporary abodes. I shall not list my full credentials here but know that I have stayed in literally dozens of such places in over four different countries. Thus you may take my opinion as not just that of your average amateur, but that of a seasoned pseudo-professional.
With that preamble out of the way we come to the main topic of discussion. Eternal Panorama Motel, a reasonably priced and seemingly popular destination for travellers of all descriptions. Unfortunately I cannot place myself amidst the number of apparently satisfied customers who have stayed in this place, about which I can find no more fitting descriptor than 'hovel'.
Let us begin with the room itself. Upon first glance, perfectly adequate. However! To the expert eye of one such as myself, the veneer of respectability and, regrettably, hygiene is soon revealed as the FARCE it truly is. The carpets, for example, have a certain quality of squelchiness that speaks to frequent drenchings of a liquid nature. Tracing this back to its source we find not one but MANY culprits, from the shower (sporadically expulsive) to the sink (perhaps plumbed in reverse, judging by the amount and, to be perfectly frank, foulness of the liquid bursting forth from the drainage hole) to the lavatory (the less said about which the better). There was also a distinct odour about the place, perhaps not noticeable to most, but to one such as I, with an extraordinarily sensitive nose, it was both obvious and odious.
I shan't go on at length about the bed (uncomfortably flaccid, with an unpleasantly damp quality) or the staff (equally flaccid, similarly damp). I shan't waste words on the pool (into which I dipped a single toe, and regret even that small gesture) or the food (one whiff of which turned my stomach to such an extent that I was forced to immediately vacate the premises and embark upon a brisk constitutional).
I will say that the view at night was utterly spectacular, and I found myself particularly transfixed by the natural splendour of the sky. Indeed, upon returning from my evening walk I discovered that I had been away for several hours longer than I had thought, and it was well past midnight! This is especially unusual for me, as my internal timing is uncommonly precise. Let us assign both blame and credit to the wonders of the scenery in this magnificent part of our wondrous world! However, the quality of the landscape surrounding one's lodgings has absolutely nothing to do with the motel itself, and as such will never affect my final score. So too would the nocturnal activity in the motel's asymmetrically spacious pool area, despite being distasteful in the extreme, not affect my rating of the place. I suppose the motel's staff could attempt to control such shenanigans, but an effort to please all often ends up pleasing none. I do not judge them for allowing such behaviour to go on unchecked, and consider their actions (or lack thereof!) in this matter to be justified. I strive to be eminently fair in my ratings, do please believe that.
With all of that said it would take a minor miracle to force me to stay in this place again. I shall be avoiding it with extreme prejudice in the future, and I urge you, my dear fellow traveller, to do the same.