ok we may be on a futa porn page but if you're explaining that you're suicidal on a platform like this maybe that's the first hint to your emotional state. Nobody knows what's truly going on with Lipsor but if Lipsor ever reads this, you'll never find truthful validation on a porn game page and if you need it you need to find it in person. I know that emotional headspace and I know online platforms aren't the places to go for these issues. Talk to somebody anybody and figure out what you really want to do because no one online will have the insight you need