it is so painful that i am here, but if i disappear it just doesn't matter. i am so sad. always and always. god, why? why i am here? i'm just thinking about it. again and again. nobody see me, nobody love me. and i'm just laying in my bed and crying silently. i hate people. 'cause they make me hate myself. it is too much pain in this world. I wish I was never born. hopelessly.