(read this when you get the time bcz it's actually pretty long..)
(The longest I've ever made 🚶)
I like this person, I've liked them since the second grade, I left the school and still always thought abt them, I came back n we became fast friends low-key, I developed the old crush I had on them and I told my friends that I MIGHT like him. The next day I asked him to sit with us and he said 'yes' and of course my friend told him and I ofc defended myself while my other friend was denying it. He didn't respond he just looked around and y'know kept silent. (They did that with another person I liked.. I feel as if they ruined my very small chances) then like the next week the friend that was denying me saying I might like him was telling me that the other friend liked him while we were walking home, when I got upstairs I kinda started crying..(I have issues with sharing..idk what it's called..prob called "issues with sharing") the next day I told her that our friend told me that she liked him and she said "I told her not to tell you.." so I imidately said "is it because you knew I might like him?" But ofc in my head bcz she'd say "no" and I'd be mad. She'd flirt with him and stuff and I'd just sit there, me and him started getting kinda distant and then she texted him and told him she liked him. He rejected her and of course I comforted her and I surprisingly wasnt happy that he did. So one day we were making bracelets, I made one that was black and red (ik the colours don't matter but it does bcz all he wears is black and red so like-) and I said "imma give this to ____ bcz I don't have a lot of black and red.." and the next day I did (AND HE WORE IT FOR THE REST OF THE FUCKIN SCHOOL YEAR). And the day after I gave it to him the friend that told me that our other friend liked him said that she liked him (we're gonna call her..dog, not in an insulting way but bcz she has a dog) and I asked Dog if she told our other friend (bcz she was rejected by him and may or may not be over it) and she said she was gonna..SO ANYWAY SHE MADE A FUCKING ALL PURPLE BRACELET ANR GAVE IT TO HIM AS IF HE LIKES PURPLE BRO- and he threw it away.. during the end of the year I got his number and we started texting, I told my friend and she texted him using my phone (I told ya abt this ready) and it was rlly uneccary bcz she maybe could've asked for his number (but I do understand that she may not wanna seem weird) and yeah at one of our free days I was talking to him like the whole time and she would butt in and start flirting with him, telling him to lift his shirt, rubbing his arm, asking for hugs and trying to kiss him... I know it's kinda toxic that I am mad because I didn't explain myself but if I do she's still gonna do it and would probably tell him. And he sent me a photo of his new haircut and ofc his face was showing, I sent the photo to my friend (bcz his new haircut is a drastic change from his old one) and she was fawning over him and even saved the photo..I kinda have feelings for him but I know if I say something somebody's gonna get mad? If she ends up liking him I'm gonna force myself to stop liking him (I've done it before and I'll do it again) I just can't with this anymore, I shouldn't have "sharing issues" I should be able to live freely. I want to tell her my feelings but I can't I simply just can't. ( I don't even tell them my crushes anymore because they'd tell them or would tease me about it.. or call them ugly.)
Maybe it's not sharing issues maybe it's jealous I sounded stupid.
I'd just like to say that he prob liked me more than the two of them, I was actually nice to him, I wasn't awkward, I hyped them up when they talked to him. Idk bro I was having a moment and started crying heavy.