more nit-picking:
"This shoe was dug up in Greece in perfect shape! but they Carbon dated it to 3500 years ago!"
Let's ignore that it's not possible to use this method to date metals, maybe they found some organic matter on it.
"500 years before goldsmithing was even invented!"
You're off by at least 3000 years, Varna Necropolis is a good starting point to feed a search engine of your choice
(you should have used platinum for your shoe - much rarer, as valuable as gold and harder to process. Gold can be found as pure metal in small quantities more or less everywhere [c.f. gold panning] and is easy to work with [quite soft, no special equipment needed], while platinum is more often than not found as alloy with other metals and not easy to purify w/o a lot of metallurgy know-how)
That said, back to the porn :D