I want to sleep forever but I want to stay awake. I want to sit and do nothing and everything too. When I look in the mirror I just want to smash it to pieces. I want it to show someone else. Someone better. Someone smarter. Someone with better virtues. Someone who’s not me. I don’t like me, but it feels no matter how hard I try to change. I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not going to make it to Heaven I mean come on. I’ve done so many bad bad things, things I can’t take back. Even if I try to make up for it and fix everything it never works. I feel like a broken tape stuck on loop. Sometimes I just want to shrivel up into a corner and disappear. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t why. Where did it all go wrong. How could I let this happen. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could wake up one day and feel better, happier. Feel like H truly mean something like the world means something like a blind man seeing for the first time. Sometimes I wish I’m dreaming and all of this is in my head. I wish that when I wake up I’ll be a child again. My uncle and aunt would still be there and my grandparents would be fine and healthy. Everything would be perfect like it was before. But this is no dream. It’s a nightmare so real it actually is. I just want it to end. But I don’t want to end me. I wanna live on. I don’t want to die I just… want to be free. I feel like everything’s holding me back and as soon as I tell someone else they’ll hate me just like I hate myself. I feel like all I can do is just smile through the pain. Just be okay in other’s eyes. My problems are my own who am I to burden them with my weight when I know they have their own. I just want to be saved…