Ah dammit. I did it again, didn't I?
When I completed Adastra for the first time, it was still early release. The ending had not been added yet, but I knew that I'd want to experience it someday in its entirety. I was so eager to return to the world, to meet the characters, to fall in love with Amicus again. I dedicated this weekend to doing so.
And naturally, I'm an emotional wreck once again, but this time it's so much worse. Adastra is one of those experiences where once you complete it, you wish that you could re-experience it all over for the first time. And at the same time, you almost wish you hadn't experienced it in the first place, because you're left with a deep sadness in the pit of your stomach and a longing for the life you just left behind.
Though this is a visual novel, it would be just as powerful as a novella. Even without the art and music (and by god the art and music is excellent), Howly has written an engaging and intimate story, and your relationship with each of the characters is complex and develops naturally. You feel happiness at their happiness. You feel genuine comfort every time you and Amicus embrace, brief moments of relief that punctuate the growing anxiety. You feel real sadness and shock and anger and horror (not just fear, but legitimate horror) as events unfold. I caught myself shaking as I approached the story's climax, the dread mounting as I experienced the pain all over again.
I am so thankful that I experienced Adastra. As someone else commented, this game makes you feel alive. Having finished it, I feel small and vulnerable and very, very human. I have literally fallen in love with a fictional character in a fictional world, and I feel genuine pain knowing that I will never be able to truly act upon it. And what's worse: the story is written such that the characters feel the same heartbreak that you feel, and that only deepens the sadness further. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Adastra is indeed a masterpiece of emotion and storytelling, and I am desperate for more. Thank you to everyone who brought it to life, and thank you for bringing Amicus to me.
I'll be fine, probably.