I mentioned previously that I descended from one of the families the King of Spain sent to California/Mexico. My ancestors settled and built one of the more famous cities that isn't LA. Unfortunately, it's built for tourists with wealth so there's almost no middle class and what exists are from people finding a way in 60+ years ago. I am never going to own a house unless family dies, and even then with step-siblings, that's iffy. My mother has tried to comfort me by saying that she has a good life insurance policy, so she knows I'll be okay. That's such a sick thought to find comfort in. That to have some semblance of financial security, it has to come at the cost of her not being there to see it. I don't even have the best relationship with her or any of my family, but I hate that this is the world we live in.
To be honest, I don't have a higher education, either. Once my parents found out they'd have to cosign a loan they backed out and I couldn't afford school. I ended up "lucking out" and finding a job that I should have needed a degree for, but already had the skills. The pay was clear why it didnt require a degree, no one with one would take it, but I got a job that sounded prestigious. Eventually, I met a guy and we moved in together. He had a degree and could have been making significantly more if he was in the right area, but had self-confidence issues. I helped him work through that and we came up with a plan where we could move somewhere with a good-paying job and I could go to school with the extra income. He said if we got married we'd have even more to work with.
We discussed places to look, one where we both knew people so I could maybe get part-time work, but he ended up applying to a city where I knew no one. He got a job that started at $130k a year, something that was and still is incomprehensible to me. I wasn't thrilled about the area, because I knew what would happen, but I couldn't say no. Essentially, when we got there and he realized his coworkers were making as much or more than me, he suddenly didn't want to get married anymore. I didn't have a job and was having a hard time finding one as it was mostly just tech people there and I didn't have the education for it. He never invited coworkers over and told me it was because he thought they'd be embarrassed by me. We eventually broke up, but I tried changing everything about myself in order to stay because I knew that I couldn't go to school otherwise, and failing that there was financial stability with him. I started having massive anxiety attacks when he was away and not having lived in a city, I couldn't get used to how crowded and claustrophobic it was. Unsurprisingly, it broke down and I've never felt less human. I ended up moving back in with my parents for the first time since I was 19, convinced I was worthless.
So even though the experiences are vastly different, I empathize with Oscar quite a bit. Likewise, I empathize with Pedro, too. I was let go from that job I had for almost 7 years because by staying there too long I was becoming too expensive, despite currently making less than what I eventually made just doing retail after breaking up with the guy I was going to marry.
On top of that, I have one strength and it's one I find more of a burden than anything, and that's empathy. I am very good at peeling away at a person and finding what they're afraid to show others, only to accept them unconditionally. I can mold myself to almost anyone, but it leads me open to both manipulate and be manipulated. This was much more of an issue as a teenager, but there's sometimes still this fear that any action you're taking is either doing something solely for your own gain or making someone do something because of how you've treated them and not because it's what they actually want. And even if you know they want to follow you, there's a fear of dependency when you know your battles with mental health. You can love someone, but are you going to be the someone they love when they need it?
So I understand both of them, and somewhere between the two I find myself. That's not something I find often. Usually when I do it's almost solely a negative portrayal, but there is so much love and thought put into the them that I don't think I can properly convey how much it's meant to me. No character in this story is perfect, but they're all what Asterion is afraid to recognize in himself as human. I like how they're all aware of their shortcomings and how that awareness can sometimes lead to further issues because of that fear. It's why centering this story around trust makes it stand out, as sometimes trusting yourself or others is the hardest thing in the world to do.