Please don't. You may say you've survived worse, but I don't care. NO ONE should ever have to do this to themselves. Take your time. I'm in a similar state, been jobless for over a year after being fired unfairly, and severely depressed to the point that I very well might die from lack of care for my body, all while not even being 21. One thing I can say, is that hurting yourself like this solves absolutely nothing. PLEASE put your own needs first. PLEASE.