Hi, I've been following your channel when I stumbled upon one of your helpful videos on how to handle otome games and eventually ended up here. I don't know if you are still working on this project, but seeing a refreshing idea such as this I wanted to share some of my thoughts.
When I read the summary, I must be honest that it did not engage me. I can tell that its going to be a spiritual journey and I love character development but its hard to connect with the story as a whole when the summary is just focusing on Finn. There is so much info dump, we are learning about a single father but instead we get Finn's backstory. I'm not sure if my description gets through what I'm trying to say, just that I think backstories are saved IN the game where us readers get to discover it.
Some examples like Violet Evergarden (Top favourite) is also about a spiritual journey and the summary is quite brief. They don't dwell on what kind of past she had, instead they told us "a soldier coming back from war and learns how to feel again." So short...yet so powerful. We can only imagine what its like and that's the beauty of it. Imagination.
Personally I also wanted to know more about Koloa but sadly he was mentioned at the very end of the summary. I understand you want us to empathize with the protagonist, yet I think you should trust readers to make interpretations and keep them guessing at the same time. The story is about two contrasting characters, bring that out, give more of Koloa's side so that way when you put their paths together in the summary, the readers would look forward on how they intersect.
I am no authority, this is just my two cents because I believe there are no bad ideas out there.