I feel you deeply. It brought back that horrible painful buried hurt I forced myself to ignore. I ended up drawing myself as animals or creature or... anything else. Last week I drew myself again and I felt nervous, trying to change my skin colour to something colourful and quirky and fantasy and acceptable. But in the end nothing felt right, except for brown. Not a lighter shade of brown or an ambiguous brown. The brown skin tone that I am. I'm so sorry, thank you for sharing something so painful and vulnerable. I am happy to ask around for some communities that friends or peers know that might provide solace for you if you'd like.