Please note I have not read LUMENDARK, so please disregard any feedback relating to that rather than your work.
The content seems generally good - I really like the alien creatures that can be encountered and how their traits are described. One thing I think could be added is more visual and other sensory description - of the planet itself, the alien creatures, etc.
Otherwise, from reading it seems like the flow of scenes would work quite nicely, especially with the big climax scene at the end.