spoilers
I did not play loner dog beforehand, I saw the pistol get pulled out and moved on with my friends to this because I was not having it. Will be back to it though, promise, just needed a breather!
Strangely, I was really happy for Harsh Noise. It seemed so happy looking upon Roaches on its final day. If I were terminal, and knowing I'd be demyelinated and half-dead soon, I'd probably want to be put down and embalmed by my friends as part of one last grand work of art and perfect embrace I can feel in every last fiber of my being before the ability to feel that is taken away. If there is one thing I grieve for Harsh Noise, it is that that the inescapabilty of the suffering, confusion, disassociation, dysphoria and depression that paved its road color the presentation of its happiest day. I know it wanted that, wanted to be presented to rbv as the transfeminized victim and fetish object of transfeminine suffering, but Harsh Noise was beloved in a way few people ever get to be and I wish its end where the zenith of that undeniable truth, not the moment that proved it. We must believe there is a another possibility where the eventuality of Harsh Noise's death was still met with such love, but there was no mourning or grief for it being a triumph over Harsh Noise's inability to love itself that comes too late for it to see.
There is that other haunting question though, could Harsh Noise ever had this without being fucked up in the ways it did? I hope that it could be, I hope there exists a world where we are all completed.