Man I see there's something you've been going through, whatever it is. You're right, you need to think positive so you can act positively and get back to the right mindset. Many people are struggling with depression, I know it's not easy but you have to bear with yourself and fight it.
Continue doing what you love man, you have 1k subs and it takes a while and a good amount of effort to reach such numbers. That alone is an achievement man. Just make videos it will help you get out of the things that bothers you.
Anyway, Thank you for playing the game man!