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(1 edit)

Nice work this update.

The scenery animations, such as the introduction to the cabin, are a nice touch. That said, there is something wrong with your model for the house/cabin. The scaling is all wrong and it looks far too big in some scenes/renders such as the outdoors where the zombie corpse is shown and the hallway where Emily watches the MC and his wife have sex. The lighting is also you should work on if you can find the time to learn how to improve it.

I still think you should consider changing the model for Luna going forward to make her waist bigger so she looks someone who could physically exist in real life. 

I also still stand by what I said for V0.1  about trying to avoid showing renders of the buildings as much as possible since it will be more effort than it is worth to create/render a convincing post-apocalyptic city and that you should be strategic with what visuals you actually render and which ones you just describe through narration or MC thoughts.

I am strongly of the opinion that you should remove all choices from the game that give the impression they could change the development of the story or the relationships between the MC and other girls. In my experience, the VNs with the best quality are ones that are railroaded so that the content fully aligns with the story and content that the writer intended. It just doesn't make sense to have choices about whether you will make a move on any of the characters when its clear that you are not going to be writing alternate scenes later on depending on who the MC is involved in. Just fully commit to forcing the MC to be in a relationship with all of the characters. It is of course still okay to have decisions like "where to cum", or if you ever add any very fetishy scenes outside of the obvious like incest and group stuff, then maybe there can be choices to skip over seeing a particular sex scene but with it made clear to the reader that it still happened for writing consistency sake.

I think the two biggest and most import issues/areas to prioritize improving is both the grammar/spelling aspect of the writing as well as the quality of the writing in terms of flow and believability.

If you would like, I could join you as a proof reader / co writer and just go over the work you do and make spelling/grammatical fixes as well as possibly rewriting some of the sentences to sound more realistic or just give general writing advice. I would have no problem doing this for free and have no desire to be credited as long as we can figure out a way to communicate the writing changes that isn't tedious for either of us.

Thanks again. I agree with you on most of what you said, and for that reason, my focus will be on improving the quality of the renders in version 0.3. I'll redo some renders and improve the overall quality of the game. I'm honored by your willingness to help me correct the grammar, but I feel this is something I need to overcome on my own, and I wouldn't think it's right to make you use your precious time helping me. That said, thank you very much; your comments alone help me a lot.

It's definitely good that you want to be improving your English grammar and writing skills, but how exactly do you plan to do that without help? How will you find all of the spelling an grammar errors without a proof reader? Or even more so, how will you improve your English writing skills (like a natural flow of words and believable vocabulary) without the help of a native speaker? I am not offering to send you fixes for you to accept without thinking. I am offering to support all of my changes with explanations which you can read so that you can understand why the suggested edits are an improvement and learn going forward. Additionally, if you would be comfortable with it, I could talk with you in a voice call and go through and explain any writing suggestions or even help you with writing ideas on how to best present whatever story you have planned. I don't consider this any significant use of my "precious time" since I don't imagine it would take much time anyways. With you taking 2 months between V0.1 and V0.2, I don't imagine that there would be any need for us to have extended conversations more often than something like once every 2 weeks, and its not like the meetings would take all day assuming you do go along with doing the voice call thing as well. I do agree that you should be getting better at writing yourself rather than relying on someone to fix it for you, and the help I am offering is intended to make you a better writer (in English). I understand that this is a passion project for you, so if you still don't want anyone else involved in it than that is fine. My offer still stands.