one of the main things that sticks with me is that there is no "salvation" for mary. she admires mary of nazareth for her purity and desperately longs to be free of the sin the church taught her is inherited at birth. she wants to believe she's no longer like the other puppygirls, barking and crawling around on the floor, but all of them believe in a promise of freedom from this sin. as long as she stays in the church, believes it can be "saved" by writing her theses, she's dehumanizing herself because she always feels the need to prove herself in a struggle against her "sin". she cannot meaningfully connect with others like the outsider because to see them as human through any difference or conflict will trigger these insecurities the dogma encourages. and as long as she lets these insecurities go unaddressed, she will continue to live in an exclusionary environment that is ensuring people like her, and like the outsider, continue to grow up in a world that is alienating and isolating. the scene of her leaving the church in the epilogue is perhaps what she might have feared most: that there is no congratulations waiting for her, for doing what she likely knew was right all along, only rightful criticism for her failing to do it sooner. but she's abandoned the notion that she needs to be "saved", and with that perhaps she can finally look at the ways she moves in the world with clear eyes.
thank you for sharing your story!