I played it a bit, completed Cedar's route and here are my notes, in no particular order.
The writing comes off as extremely heavy-handed. There's no subtlety. Every detail isn't just shoved in your face, you get beaten over the head with it over and over again. Cedar is shy and troubled, so everyone tells you he's shy and troubled, and so does he. Several times. "Show, don't tell" is not a suggestion, it's the basic rule of good storytelling.
The pacing is way too fast, even for a short VN. You get introduced to Cedar and after two more interactions with him you're in love, and also he bawls his eyes out and tells you everything on his mind, AND it's suddenly the storm. What? But I just got here.
At one point I got a bad ending that felt completely arbitrary and out of nowhere. Zee tried to drag me away while I was chasing Cedar - why would I go with her? Why would I assume that not going with her could possibly trigger a fail state? Nothing happening prior to this ever hinted at that. It felt unsatisfying and annoying.
There's no good way to say this, so I'll just rip the band aid off. The plot is dumb at times. Montegenisha stops you from finding Cedar to tell you to go find Cedar. His appearance was completely unnecessary and it broke the tension of the event for nothing, as did the long boring monologue the storm gives you(forgot the name).
The entire Scene with Cedar trying to sacrifice himself for you is stupid - he has enough time to shove you, but not enough time for you both to run off instead? What a precise amount of time!
And then Theo runs past you and saves him anyway! Theo saves him, not you - MC doesn't do ANYTHING in that entire scene. Someone else called this a book and I can see why. MC has no agency, he just stands there, watching, like a lemon.
Then he tells Cedar that what happened wasn't his fault, but it 100% was his stupid fault and no one else's.
The weird sound of a small metal hatch slamming shut down the hall used for punctuation is annoying and doesn't fit ANYTHING at all. Why is it here?
It's a small issue, but backgrounds sometimes don't fit the story. Like when MC and Cedar are left alone in MC's room the bed is described as narrow, while the king-sized bed is displayed in the background.
Oh, and the GIANT FULL-SCREEN DISCLAIMER warning you that kissing the characters is going to influence your route is completely unnecessary, and just plain silly. Duh, I sure hope it influences the story!
p.s. I'm not trying to insult your work, obviously a lot of effort went into the creation of this VN, and it's very commendable that you actually managed to finish it, but the oversights I just mentioned really kept me from enjoying it, so I thought I'd share. Hope you'll be able to learn something from this.