I finished the game yesterday and I would like to give some feedback! I think it could be a great game. It has a lot of potential; it’s just how everything was executed was not that great. You have already addressed a lot of these things so im just gonna say what you have already heard but whatever😔 From what I could understand, the story seems quite interesting. The mc goes into a different reality due(?) to their bad choices, all their classmates are now monsters and there’s an organisation (lowkeyforgot what it was about😭) that everyone wants to be apart of? Arson and Envi are brothers, both are vampires and Envi isn’t actually Envi? there’s also a monster hunter who wants to kill them? Also, I was wondering if the name Carmilla was on purpose? since there’s a popular vampire book named Carmilla.. I just thought that was interesting since a monster hunter has the name of a popular vampire 🤷 anyway I was half asleep while playing it since it was late.. so some things might be wrong but that could also be due to the writing. I’m gonna be honest the writing is quite poor.. I was lost half the time and there are alot of typos.. just a lot of things didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand where I was a lot of the time and why.. the writing is just very bland and rushed. I understand that it’s a demo so the rushed part might have been on purpose and I’m just assuming your original language isn’t English? So typos and poor writing could be due to that which i totally understand! I could even help you improve your writing if you want? I recommend watching some YouTube videos about how to improve your story writing and English! To add on, there isn’t a lot of descriptive writing in the dialogue which makes me even more confused on where I am, making the story not engaging or immersive at all.. you should include things like who? what? When? And where?.. Sounds,Feelings, Smell, Sight, Touch Ect which helps to create a picture in the readers mind. figurative language also helps with this. I also like some of the characters! I mostly like Envi hes my favourite😋 I quite like arson and lillie too! I just feel like descriptive writing could really help bring out everything more! Im excited for feature updates 😋. I’ve also read The seat across from mine and I can tell your writing has definitely gotten better!
Viewing post in BEHIND THE SNOW [DEMO] comments
Thank you for your honest feedback. You are absolutely right: English is not my first language, and the game was rushed. It would have been more accurate to describe it as a prototype rather than a demo.
Behind The Snow is my first project, and I realize that I was quite ambitious given my current experience. An update is currently in development: the story is being rewritten and several quality-of-life improvements are being implemented.
Many players mentioned that the game felt confusing, so I am now focusing on creating three prologues to make the narrative clearer and more accessible for new players.
If you would like to get in touch, feel free to contact me on TikTok.