The art you made for this is SICK!! I love the dynamics poses and monotone color scheme, they make this project really vibrant! Also, I think it's cool that you only used illustration at extremely pivotal moments because I think this allows for the player to fill in the gaps with their imagination (something I think works really well in Twine). In terms of narration, I like that you create this sort of desperation and tension with how helpless you are as a player, limited by your choices. I will say, sometimes this limitation makes replayability lose some of its value, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. A linear narrative seems to suit this story despite it being a choose your own adventure. The ending of the asteroids as a plot device makes this game feels very absolute and final. Doubling down on this effect through your endings might add to the impact of the story. Besides that fact, this game certainly holds its own even as a demo and I appreciate the work you put into this!