Post by Meatball in Pastelgic comments

Viewing post in Pastelgic comments

Wow, gotta say, I really enjoyed this more than I thought I would. That's not a knock on you or anything, just based on how many of these go. I'm really excited to see how things grow and pan out.

I wanted to point out a few things I liked in particular,

- George doesn't seem like a total douchebag. It's easy to want to hate the "other guy" in a story, but he doesn't seem like a terrible human being. Certainly inattentive and neglectful, but still allows for some gray area there. And I like the Patrick Bateman drop in there. I actually laughed out loud over that.

- Laura seems genuinely lonely. Not just throwing herself at some MC because of story plot. I don't know if it's the look on her face when you run into her before she smiles or that she's always overexplaining when you're running errands with her, but she feels lonely.

- The past school mates feels a lot like actual interactions I've had with people. They almost jump to say hi to me and I just keep feeling like, "you never wanted to have anything to do with me before, why now?" kind of thing. I think you've nailed it with people that may have been either passively or even sometimes actively hostile towards someone but have either minimized it in their mind or never saw an actual problem. I would love to see one person own up to how they acted, maybe seeing that it was a problem, and apologize. I never got that myself.

Sorry for the long read, but I'm actually invested here and am just a little saddened that I'll have to wait for the next installment. If you ever want or need help proofreading or bouncing ideas off someone, let me know!

Enigma Express9 days ago (2 edits)

Dude, you get it! You hit the nail on the head with almost all the intent behind the story.

- Really nice observation about George. He’s meant to be inattentive and focused on his own world, but not a terrible person, so it’s great to hear that balance came through. As for the little American Psycho reference, it was partly a joke, but also because I felt it was an easy way to show that George is a bit too focused on his job, paying more attention to his colleagues’ business cards than to the lack of attention that Laura is receiving. I think this also enhances the cheating aspect as it means Laura will feel a lot more guilty and reluctant to do it all so quick and instead needs to be caught at certain points to be convinced into doing these things.

- I’m also glad Laura’s loneliness came through. I wanted players to get to see that she is just a woman who really needs someone to talk to, which is why she is so eager to mention all sorts of little things when you go out with her on the second day.

- Yeah, your deduction of the old classmates is pretty accurate. Not all of them fully understand why the MC is so distant, since they’ve never had to face the negative effects of their own actions. As a result, a person like Anna seems to push the blame onto the MC himself, because she can’t see that he is like this because of her own actions. In future chapters, some characters will eventually have to confront what they did.

Feel free to join the Discord. I'd love to see what you have to discuss with the other members there.

itch.io

Viewing post in Pastelgic comments