I actually considered offering to be that English speaking proof reader. I want this game to succeed. But I've offered other developers and been ignored, so I'm just hoping that they find someone.
And, yeah, I get why Elise gets to pump the brakes, but that's not how games work. "hey ref, I'm losing here, can you spot me a few points?" just isn't competition friendly. (Although it would likely be approved by the 21st century is stupid committee!!!)
I think the dev should have resisted the urge to make Marc capable of getting Elise to cum. "Oh, yeah, Marc? You're gonna have to try harder than that to make ME cum!" It might not be the typical "oh, gosh, your giant cock is murdering my tiny pussy" mentality that every sex scene must contain, but it is certainly more lore friendly to the girl that Elise is portrayed to be. (Well, I actually think it should be against the rules for Marc to be chosen at all. It's not the game's fault that he suffers from premature ejaculation!)
He only has something like 2 minutes to make her cum. That alone is pretty much "incel power fantasy #1" and a great reason to dump the entire premise. Beyond that, if you cockblocked Steve, Elise is a virgin at the party. Technically, Marc takes her virginity, not the MC. The MC is just sloppy seconds! All that work, and mental powers just to let some other dude get his dick wet first. And, of course, Marc is already out of the game at that point. He shouldn't be anything more than a spectator from that point forward.
Finally, most chicks take far longer than the couple of minutes Marc had to get her off in order to get off. All that moaning in a porn video is because the slut is thinking about feeding her heroin addiction after the sweaty asshole is done with her. So the entire scenario is more incel power fantasy than "reality" and therefore easily dumped as an idea. The writer just leaned into the "Elise has a dick in her" angle, rather than the "Elise has to be around for the finals" angle. A simple fix.