Weird, I was just thinking a little while ago that after running through the heavily apocalyptic May Wolf entries earlier this year I hadn't encountered any apocalypses or porn in Novembuck so far. Lo and behold, here we are discussing an apocalypse-themed VN where dudes get their dicks out. Life gets you sometimes.
For what I think (?) is your first effort, this was pretty good! There are some areas for improvement, which I'll get to below, but this has a solid foundation. In terms of presentation, I liked the assets you provided, especially the opening CG in the diner, the music did its job, and there were few, if any, notable proofreading errors in the text, which is always great to see, especially in jam submissions.
Establishing a customary spoiler warning as I head into the plot, discussion of which I'll break down by route.
Intro:
- As others have pointed out, while it's great that this VN has two fleshed out routes and adding more on top of that would have meant commensurate work, it would've been even better to see more of the three main cast interacting together at the beginning. With how short the game is, the expectation is clearly to run both routes anyway, but by the time the route split comes we barely know anything about Cedar, either of the two LIs, or their relationships with each other besides very high-level notions of their attitudes towards Y2K.
- Ideally, this would also play into each of their respective routes, as right now the two options feel very disconnected, with the third character barely mentioned or acknowledged, and considering how important the group is established to be at the beginning, it'd be nice to see this as a more consistent theme.
- Regarding the route split, I felt that the information provided to that point heavily favored Flare. Playing through both routes, we learn that picking either option leaves the third character alone, whether in a physical sense or just emotionally, but the intro doesn't really convey that about Cream. Yes, he looks sad, but without context that could mean anything, including just that Flare and Cedar don't want to go with him. So when faced with that initial decision, it looks like "go with Cream, who's going to have fun anyway" or "go with Flare, who will be literally all by himself if you don't." I think expanding on the intro could've hinted more at Cream's situation to make this feel less lopsided.
Flare:
- Looks like it may be an unpopular opinion, but I actually preferred this one. It was definitely more subdued and less dramatic, but I think there was still some effective commentary in there about how normal retail workers are needed in the leadup to the (perceived) end of the world. One of the apocalyptic May Wolf entries had a similar theme, where much of the story took place at a gas station convenience store, and I think you could also draw parallels to things like essential workers during COVID. The mundanity persists, even in the face of cataclysm.
- With that said, there were some dialogue sections that felt a little rough, like saying "someone's getting flirty" after both characters have been very clearly flirting all night, as well as some of the narration leading up to the sex scene, like "He also tastes of... love... his intense love... of me..." I see what you're going for with the flowery catharsis, but... it's a bit too cheesy for my taste.
Cream:
- I'll be honest here, the characterization for Cream and his "friends" at the party didn't really work for me. While shallow relationships built on going out and partying certainly do exist, I don't know if the reference will make sense outside of the U.S. but this felt more like a D.A.R.E. skit exaggerating the dangers of peer pressure than an exploration of how insecurities lead to superficial bonds. Like, the hyperbolic depictions of Peony and Thorn talking about how they don't care at all about Cream and just want to "use" him, saying that all directly to Cedar's face, just does not feel like how real people actually act. Furthermore, I don't even really understand what "use him as the life of the party" is even supposed to mean, like, in a practical sense. He's not organizing, he's not hosting, he's not financing, the "friends" certainly don't need an excuse or impetus to party, so what are they keeping him there for if they think he's such a loser? Again, this feels more like an anti-drinking PSA that's like, "if you start drinking you'll lose all your friends and be surrounded by people that only want to laugh at you" than a situation grounded in reality.
- All that said, I also felt like the affection between Cedar and Cream wasn't as well established as it was with Flare. Sure, we understand that Cedar admires Cream's artistic pursuits, but we don't get much more beyond that because most of the rest of their interactions are just Cedar getting upset about the partying. So when the love confession comes out, it kinda feels out of nowhere to me.
- More minor point, but I do think it's ironic that in a route ostensibly about Cream learning to love himself and stop focusing on pleasing other people, his sex scene is... him pleasuring Cedar without reciprocation. I don't think it's a big deal, but I did find that kind of funny.
Right, so, I know that was a lot, but like I said at the top, there's a lot to like here and despite the criticisms this was still good work!