LMAO, I like to consider my username a subversion of expectations bordering on false advertising, so truly that is one of the best compliments I've received.
But wonderful feedback I appreciate your thoroughness! You are correct this game is in desparate need of a skip cutscene button, I was going to add one but honestly that intro was a house of cards waiting to topple because I've never programmed a cutscene in godot lol so I was afraid to touch it. I'll be sure to include it in the post-jam build!
Thank you so very much for your wonderful and insightful review!