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Translating this for real would probably be pretty tough...
Like Ikali's rhymes,

And that V_plushie — How are we supposed to translate what it says??? Chinese doesn’t have uppercase or lowercase letters! 

Right now, the idea I have is to replace the original characters with ones that look or sound similar.
(for example, '' with '', '' with '己')

But I don’t think there’s a perfect replacement for every character, so we might also have to use traditional or variant characters. 
(For example, '' is just a variant of ''; they mean the same thing.)
*btw, '' mean bunny, just to be sure—*)
 

 ...but if we do that, the sentences might end up looking really messy.... there is no single rule...

A really tough problem to deal with.