itch.io

Honestly?,yall are still playing Bloxd like its something you’ve never seen before,like bloxd is literally: 1. Bloxd.io looks like Minecraft, Roblox, and a Google Chrome extension had a baby…

…and then immediately put it up for adoption.

How do you copy three games at once and STILL manage to make it worse than all of them? Even bootleg Minecraft clones on itch.io look more polished.

1. Every update feels like a desperate cry for help

Minecraft adds a new block? Bloxd: “WE MUST COPY IT BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES WE HAVE NO IDEAS.”

Roblox releases a new trend? Bloxd: “Yes… put it in… shove it in the code block machine.”

Bloxd dev meeting agenda:

Refresh Minecraft.net

Refresh Roblox trending

Copy

Paste

Add lag

Ship it

Lie on Twitter: “We optimized the game.”

1. Bloxd.io’s performance is so bad it could run on a NASA supercomputer…

…and the supercomputer would STILL stutter like: “Bro… why… why does a browser block game need 16GB of RAM???”

You know it’s bad when even a 4090 is like: “Please stop opening Bloxd. I’m tired.”

1. Their “super rank” looks like someone spilled MS Paint on your username

$10 a month for… ✔ a colored name ✔ a cape ✔ ad removal

Bro I can get all that with a browser extension and a PNG. I’ve seen Discord Nitro servers with more value 💀

1. The devs say the game is “extremely optimized”

Yeah bro, extremely optimized for:

lag

crashes

disconnecting mid-fight

dropping to 5 FPS when someone places a single block

ping that travels to Jupiter before returning

Bloxd’s ping is so high it needs its own passport.

1. Bloxd survival servers are dollar-store Hypixel knockoffs

DonutSMP? Skywars? Bedwars? Mace? Spear? 99 Nights?? END CRYSTALS???

Bloxd is like:

“Can I copy your homework?” Minecraft & Roblox: “Sure, just make it look different.” Bloxd: “No.”

1. Bloxd’s textures look like they were AI-generated by a toaster

Minecraft: beautiful panoramas, evolving visuals, handcrafted textures. Bloxd: “Here’s 240p blurry grass and a cursed background that lags just by existing.”

Their title screen is basically a slideshow presentation at 12 FPS.

1. Even the players copy everything using code blocks

Want a custom weapon? → Code Want an enchant? → Code Want to breathe oxygen? → Probably code

Bloxd gameplay is 10% playing and 90% debugging errors that the devs didn’t bother to fix.

1. Bloxd tries so hard to be “popular” but averages like 12k players

Bro that’s not “popular.” That’s “barely surviving.”

Some Minecraft servers have more players ONLINE than Bloxd has in the entire GLOBAL community

1. Bloxd is basically Minecraft fanfiction with lag

And not even good fanfiction. It’s that Wattpad-level fanfiction where the characters are:

Blocks

Lag

Disappointment

And the plot is: “Minecraft but worse, trust.”

Bloxd.io isn’t a game. It’s a powerpoint presentation pretending to be a survival sandbox. A discount clone that thinks changing two pixels makes it original. A lag generator wrapped in a Minecraft texture pack. A copy of a copy of a copy that somehow gets uglier each update.

Bloxd is the only game where the LOADING SCREEN has more FPS than the gameplay.

And somehow… SOMEHOW… they have the audacity to keep releasing updates like:

“We improved performance!”

No you didn’t, Tyler. You made it worse.