All the people who have not yet downloaded this desktop application have precisely the wrong mindset.
I, in a stroke of divinely inspired genius, installed this lamp so that I could become fully accustomed to its nature. And it has worked, to profound success.
I have positioned the lava lamp in the corner of my screen, carried it with me from the ancient streets of China to the frozen peaks of New Zealand. From the beginning, its presence has always been a psychological anchor, regulating my mental state such that no matter what hardship or calamity I may go through, I could always rest easy knowing that I will always be able to see the lava lamp, and that the lava lamp will always be there for me.
As I bonded further with the lamp, it began to anchor itself deep within my mind, transforming it into something greater. My abilities, both mental and physical, began to expand, and soon the world of the physical faded away into soft, fluffy concepts of dimensions and numbers. I became nothing, and I became everything.
Now, viewing humanity from above, I can hardly remember the days before I had become an entity of such ascension. How strange and otherworldly those days seem now, burdened by the stress of everyday life. I look down upon the ignoramus masses who still operate in a world full of pain, suffering, and agony, their minds weak, pliable, and fragile.
HA! What fools. Blissful in their ignorance, never realizing that the next step was just a few clicks away.
Have you not yet understood? This is no ordinary application. In the core of this program is the potential to transform your world, by transforming your expectations. Those who have not yet immersed themselves with every facet of the lamp will never understand, for they have no reference of which to compare such an experience. But those who are willing to open their minds to the teachings of the lamp will shift their expectations of life accordingly.
To give this lamp a rating of less than or equal to five out of five would be to condemn the concept of existence, but itch.io forces me to do so. Who am I, a former mortal, to judge the most life-changing and affordable of all computer applications? No. I owe everything I have now to this program. I say gratefully to whichever grand being may have created this app: "Thank you. You've introduced me to things I never thought possible."
I sit here with my lava lamp, high above the Earth, concealed from the rest of my former people. For if they do not have the strength to take the next step, to grab the next rung of the ladder, they do not deserve this experience.