Sorry to hear that :( I can definitely think of some 'tubers that I would be sad about passing away... though I can't say there are any that I have such a deep attachment to.
I did recently lose an IRL friend to depression/addiction/guilt. She thought she was a burden, but I didn't think so. I wanted to listen, and to help. I hope you have someone you can talk to, and that you can allow yourself to be helped... for those of us on the other end, we do it by choice, and it makes our own lives better. And if not, well then it would be our responsibility to say that we aren't prepared to handle it (hopefully in a respectful way)
Making games is a great outlet, and it's damn hard so it will certainly keep you busy for a long time :)
You don't just have to make games though, in the "traditional" sense. Many people create and consume other types of digital medium for the benefit of their mental health, such as visual novels, zines, bitsy stories, and so on. These don't have such high requirements in terms of mechanical skills like coding so could be a good choice if you are looking for a way to express your thoughts.