Really good start! I really, really like the art style - it's on the simpler end but every character looks really cute. Hope nothing horrible happens to any of them :)
Story-wise, there's not much going on since this is still very much an intro, but the setup works well enough. Will still need to see more to get a better handle on the characters since, with the exception of Jane, the conversations still lean more towards small talk at this stage.
Two things I think could be better:
1) I didn't think the tense scene in the beginning was actually all that tense. I never really felt scared or in danger and I wonder if there are ways you could ramp that up, either with visual or sound effects. There's actually pretty good attention to detail with sound in the rest of the VN with the cute camera SFX for saving and even the movie audio in the hangout with Max, so it's a bit weird the audio is lacking in the most pivotal scene so far. Lack of sound can be really effective too, but usually that works better when used in contrast to sound being played previously, and there's not really much going on in the audio before the stranger arrives.
2) As the other commenter alluded to, there are lots and lots of spelling, punctuation, and capitalization errors. Nothing that inhibited my understanding of what was going on, but some of them are particularly egregious, like "Behind the Camera" being spelled "Behind the Camer" multiple times. Definitely could use another proofreading pass :)
Looking forward to seeing more!