(I can’t say your name but you know who you are.)
I felt as if we were tied lines, soul mates, as if we had the same heart and the same pain. I knew that we never could be together, but I continued to feed our little situationship like someday we could be us without fear or judgment, just us… I thought that I knew every little piece of you and you of me, I thought that one day you would wake up and realize that I was the one for you, your girlfriend, your bsf and the one you could understand, I knew I was daydreaming, I knew I was deluding myself.
That dawn that I was coming home from a party, pretending to be drunk just to have an excuse to be more vulnerable with you, you told me that I was beautiful only sometimes, you told me that I loved you and I couldn’t deny it, I think you got scared by loving someone again, even if that someone was me. I remember talking a lot and you saying that you liked listening to my lore, I was so happy that I slept with a smile on my face.
It wasn’t meant to be, I try to understand this and I try to get better but I don’t think you would let me. The monday after our dawn talk was the best, it was like a joke only we knew about, I felt like when an old people compliments a little girl for her intelligence, proud, confident… obviously it didn’t last. After being ignored and sometimes gifted with dry answers and disinterest, I knew it was the time to go. I took the first step but you were already at the finish line, you weren’t in our school anymore, you weren’t in my instagram, you weren’t in my friend group, you weren’t in my dm’s, and suddenly, you are not in my life.
I always think about you and your green eyes, I wish I knew how things going, I wish I knew if you think of me as much as I think of you. I wish I knew, if at some point, you loved me the way I loved you. I defended you in every argument that I had about you, and you had no idea. I ignored the fact that i hated smokers, and you were one, just cause it was you, I talked about you to my grandma and my friends. I was really in love after a long time and all that i could think of it was what we were gonna talk about that day. I miss knowing you, I miss being see through.
we were art, I hope you still remember the lyrics of ‘‘hopelessly devoted to you’’ and how to say I missed you in Hindi… you were my perfect pair and my favorite person. I Hope you are happy and safe, you are still my Danny Zuko.
Love,
…