Your story is good, the interactions are mostly genuine, the girls feel pretty good except for Akatsuki , her attraction feels off, but I like her too.
I had to write this comment before I was really ready for a review because one thing really hit me hard in the face and that is the close-ups, when the girls are in the face of our main character.
Spot-fucking-on. Everyone else tends to avoid this, cause it usually turns out weird, but these feel so good when they show up. I know that sounds like a weird thing to fixate on, but it's the first time I've seen it done well and it definitely helps with the feels.
Alright, back to the reading...