Congrats on your first vn! It can be a bit overwhelming to step out and make something like this... learning to code, adding music, transitions and cutscenes,
Implementing sprites, and writing are all things that can be overwhelming by themselves, much less putting it all together. It can be intimidating, especially when your efforts are compared to seasoned veterans and teams working together who have the entire month to finish a project. Please don't be discouraged by any criticism or negative feedback, but consider it as a place to learn and improve... to me, that's the best part of participating in the game jam to begin with!
To start with, the cutscene/title screen graphic is cute! I also like that, when displaying the character names, you gave them their own unique colors. Not all creators do that, and especially when multiple ones are introduced at once, it makes it much easier to follow. (I also personally try to take a prominent color from the sprite amd make the text match that color if possible, though here, the colors are quite similar, so it would be a bit more difficult).
I did have a bit of difficulty following the story; sometimes I wasn't quite sure of the point of view. One thing I use to sometimes help in that situation is to set a character when they're thinking as opposed to talking out loud as a seperate character with the same display name, but a darker, more grayish text to help the reader understand.
There are a number of things you didn't have time to work on and complete, and I know you are aware of those, and can add them in the future if you desire, so I won't comment on the backgrounds or music and sounds.
Again, congrats on putting out your first (of hopefully several more to come) vns, and I look forward to seeing more in the future.