Thank you so much! To hear that I've inspired another is the best compliment, truly.
I'd be happy to take a look at your work and tell you what I think. But I have to warn you... I've done a lot of copyediting and proofreading in my career and tend to be hyper critical (of my own work included). Are you looking for a full on red pen, grammatical deep dive or just broad thoughts and light suggestions?
Either way, congratulations on your first IF and good luck with the project!
Thank you! I'm looking for both story-related and grammatical/structural edits, but you can be as critical as you need haha (I'm well aware of how "slash-and-burn" the publishing industry can be, though I've never gone through that exact process myself) As a side note, though, I've already found some errors and edits in the story so far - so there may be some things you point out that have already been fixed, just not released yet. Thank you for your help, though! It's definitely always super helpful for me to get feedback on my work!
Hello, Ash! I tried giving your story a read but I can’t progress past the first passage of the prologue. When you upload your game to itch, under Embed options > frame options, there’s a checkbox labeled enable scrollbars. Make sure to select that or the page won’t scroll.
At the risk of sounding presumptuous, your prologue begins with your camp, and camp elder, and earth magic, and being able to listen to the magic vibrations… well, it all sounds, um… like mine. Granted, I only read the first page because I couldn’t progress further. Your story may go in a completely different way and be entirely your own, and I’d be delighted if mine was the inspiration for that. But I had to voice my concern that it felt very similar upon first glance.
Thank you! I'll check out the scroll bar issue. About the second problem, I have realized the similarities between our stories - I can assure that mine goes in a different direction, but I'm also in the middle of rewriting the prologue to both condense it and have a better lead into the story without sounding so close to yours. Thank you for checking it out, though! (I wanted to go more in-depth about my magic system to show it was different, but decided against a 3-page long infodump haha)
