Hi ! I will not talk about the story, but on the AI art used. I think that you use PonyDiffusion v6 without character lora (what make me think it's pony ? Just the hand that is horrible on pony and some anatomy basic error off pony). Because of this you have some irregularity on your female character, for me it's troubling sometimes she has semi straight hair and other time wavy hair or curly hair... I think you should use in your prompt some indicator like that "(straight hair:1)" (or other type of hair to make it to your liking), you will have less "error" and make the hair persistent and keep some regularity between scene.
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Well for a starting point this is freaking good. When I debuted on open source AI that was a brutal deception. In pony the most important thing is your score, in positive score_9, score_8_up, score_7_up and your neg will be score_6, score_5, score_4, just keeping this can help to improve the quality of your generation, don't hesitate to experiment different ways of prompting to see what can give you the most successful generation, for example: 1girl, long hair, (wavy hair:1), brown hair, blue eyes, (almond eyes:0.7), (big breast:0.8) etc... Here I add some valor to help the "AI" to make what I write, that can help to make persistent character without Lora training but even with it we can't forget the rng of generation. In hope that can help you to improve the quality of your work. Good luck !